If not you, then who? If not now, then when?

These are words that first began ringing loudly in my mind a few days ago when Neil and I were travelling to Glen Etive for a day out.  It was the day after a storm and the skies were still grey and heavy with rain when we set out.  The water poured off this hills in streams and waterfalls, rivers were swollen.  As we turned into Glen Etive I felt as if we were travelling in a land surrounded above and below with water. And that’s when these words started to sound in my head.

If not you, then who? If not now, then when?

And I knew what this was referring to.  I had a decision to make, to try and write a book about devotional practice I experience it or to leave it.

I remember Nimue Brown once writing that she wrote books she wanted to read.

I want to read about someone who juggles devotional life with family life, someone who isn’t very good at hearing messages from deities. I want to read about someone who says something about how long it has taken them to develop a devotional life, how they have tried things and then dropped them, how life has sometimes overwhemed them.  And I want to read about their journey with deities who have traces of ancient worship in the land I live in.

I haven’t come across a book like that yet.

If not you, then who? If not now, then when?

As our day in Glen Etive progressed we did see the odd patch of blue as the sky lightened.  We heard the bellowing of stags on the mountainside.  As we began the journey back along the Glen we had to stop.  Deer on the road. A small herd, a doe with what must have been this year’s young, a couple of slightly older but still immature stags, a few mature does and him.  He posed beautifully for our admiration.

One doe gently ate pieces of apple from the hand of another woman who like us had stopped.  This small herd were clearly used to people. That was the highlight of the trip for me and still those words echoed in my head.  A decision was made. I will write.

We came home days passed with other things; catching up with chores, spending time with the kids, doing some knitting and still these words come back to me.

If not you, then who? If not now, then when?

I’m working through things I said I’d do for others.  I’m beginning to plan, to think about what I want to say, how I might say it. I’m intending to start writing my first ever attempt at a book at Samhain.  It may take me a long time.  The first steps of a journey are not when you set out but when you make a decision and pack your things.

I am beginning to answer the questions that keep ringing in my head.

I will write and very soon now.

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Changes to my altar

In the last couple of weeks there have been changes to my altar.

Meet the Smith, for Gofannon.

The Smith
The Smith

Today arrived a wonderful, amazing gift.  A traditionally made Zuni Coyote fetish crafted by Aaron and Thelma Sheche. I am deeply honoured to have been entrusted with this fetish. It’s actually two coyotes carved from the same stone bundles with an arrow head and pieces of turquoise.

Coyotes fetish
Zuni Coyote Fetish

Both the Smith and the Zuni fetish are now on my altar, shown below.

Altar 6 September 2017

Messages from Gods

Like forgotten yet eternal dreams.
Broke in bits before her, the lady lacks her necklace.
Like the sweet-apple reddening high on the branch.
Better far that my body should suffer outrage than my soul.
Oh, each of us discovered life’s burden, and we call that time a fable, remembering ourselves as we would a stranger.

These are words for me from a divination two weeks ago where I basically asked if I was doing ok with my devotions.  The overall interpretation I was given was I’m doing ok but there’s room for improvement.  Isn’t there always?

In April I had a three card tarot reading done for me with the following overall message:

These may seem vague, as Minor Arcana cards, but I love the combination of elements here. It seems to tell of an emotional time, perhaps with ups and downs on several levels, but also with a sense of determination, goals achieved and a clear path opening up through it all. Keep hold of that determination, hun, you’re going the right way and have good friends at your side!

I had another reading in January of this year but that one was face to face and I can’t remember a great deal from it.

I’m also working on improving my own divination skills.  At the moment that involves working with runes and practicing readings mainly on myself.

And then there is what happened to me on Saturday as I sat before my altar praying and listening.  I slipped into a trance and began to journey, something I haven’t done in quite a while.  Loki appeared beside me and we walked and talked in the Otherworld I know.  I’ve been asking, thinking and wondering why Loki is still interested in me, half expecting Him to move on and not return.  One part of my journey and conversation had a very powerful effect on me.

Loki asked me if I wanted Him in my life. At first I sidestepped replying clearly by saying “If you want to be”.  That wasn’t good enough though. He asked me again:

“Do you want me?”

And this time I simply said yes.  His reply was that He would remain with me then.  I asked if it was that simple. “Yes.”  We talked further, other things that I’ll not mention here but that helped clarify aspects of our growing relationship. I also gained insights into aspects of other deity relationships.

——————————

This year I have already asked for reassurance that I’m doing the right things, going in the right direction more times than almost any other year in my life. I’ve been unsure why I feel the presence of certain deities, why still other deities have come into my life.

Each time though I have been given reassurance that I’m doing the right things, going in the right directions.  Most of those reassurances have been open to some aspect of interpretation. This time, with Loki, I’ve had something amazingly direct, amazingly simple.

And that simple question echos on in other voices – Do you want me in your life?

Sometimes devotion is as simple as answering that question.

Traveling Shrines

A home shrine is a wonderful thing but what do you do when you are away from your home for whatever reason?  Recently my family and I were away from home for holidays so I decided to put together a few things and take a form of traveling shrine with me.  Rather than try and describe what I did in words I took a couple of pictures while I was away so I could share what I had done.

photo of traveling shrine
Traveling Shrine while on holiday on the Island of Skye

 

photo of traveling shrine
Traveling Shrine on the Isle of Lewis

 

The cloth I used for my traveling shrine is actually a cloth for reading oracle decks made for me by Gemini Aspect.  The prayer cards are from Galina Krasskova‘s etsy store where there are prayer cards to many deities in several different pantheons.

The shrine while we were on the Isle of Lewis includes a card from both the Druid Animal Oracle and the Druid Plant Oracle both by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm with artwork by Will Worthington.

 

For Loki

I’ve written in an earlier post how Loki came into my life and I’ve also written a little about how my patterns of devotion have been changing.  Saturday has become the day I devote time and thought to Loki.  Last Saturday I received an email that led to me writing something for Loki.  This Saturday I feel I should post what I wrote on my own blog.  The photo is of the candle burning on my altar for Loki as I write this post.

Words from my heart

Loki, you came unlooked for, unasked for into my life.
Bound one, your challenge forced me to face my bindings.
Shifter of forms, you lead me to change.
I honor You!

Burning one, you scare me still!
I don’t know what you see in me,
Why I interest you,
But I know you come calling.

Calling in the darkness
Shining in the silence
Mystery and Mischief

I honor You! I praise you!
I’ve even come to love you.
You, the disreputable friend!

The one that speaks truths no-one else will face
The one bringing joy in the madness
The one whose pain we turn away from
The one who forces us to see
The one who scares us in the night
The one who holds us when we cry
The one who gives us the blade with which to cut our bindings
If…

If we have the courage to turn and take it
If we choose to try.

Uninvited, unexpected, uncomfortable,
Yet welcomed, honored, praised and loved!

 

Patterns of Devotion

I have written in the past about my deepening devotional practices. Today I wish to share with you how my devotions have changed.

I used to honour my ancestors at the dark moon, Maponos on Sundays and, Brigantia, Epona Rigantona and An Cailleach around the full moon.

Then I joined a flame tending cill with Clann Bhride and began flame tending in honour of Brigantia every twenty days.

I can’t even remember exactly when after that point that other things began to change but at some stage I began to honour Epona Rigantona each week on a Friday. I chose a Friday because Epona is my beloved and Fridays in the past have been linked to deities of love (see Wikipedia Names of the days of the week if you are interested).

It felt good to be honouring Epona each Friday so I decided to start honoring An Cailleach on a Saturday. I was now honouring different deities on Friday, Saturday and Sunday plus every twenty days flame tending in honour of Brigantia.

Then Loki came into my life.

I used to consider myself to be solely a Brythonic Polytheist.

Then Loki came into my life!

That bit bears repeating.  Loki brought change with Him.  I wasn’t looking for Sleipnir’s Dam and I didn’t expect or invite Her (at least not to start with) but for some reason best known to the Bound One, He decided to bring Her changes to me.

One of those changes was that I started to include Loki in my weekly devotions.  At first I tried slotting Him in on Thursdays but that didn’t feel right. So I switched to Saturdays, prompted in part by something I had read that suggested Saturdays had been linked to Loki in the past.  I can’t remember exactly what that was now but I switched days and it felt much better.

But it didn’t feel right honouring An Cailleach on the same day so after a bit of thought I decided to move honouring Her to Mondays.  There are aspects in some of the lore which I believe indicate ties to the moon for An Cailleach so this seemed to fit well.

For a couple of moons I tried to keep the lunar links I had made as well but that became a bit confusing as I ended up trying to honour two different deities on one day.  For me that became confusing and I felt I wasn’t doing justice to my devotions to either deity when the days linked into full moon cycles.  I decided drop the full moon devotions in favour of the weekly ones for a moon or two to see how it felt and I’ve kept that change.

So now I honour different deities on four days of the week and another every twenty days. I’m also no longer solely honouring Brythonic deities.  At first I thought maybe Loki would be in my life for a set purpose and then maybe wander off but at the moment it feel much more like the Sky-treader is here to stay.  The current pattern feels good with one exception and that’s the ancestors.

In dropping the full moon devotions I found I began to lose touch with the lunar cycle and the pattern of honouring my ancestors at the dark moon began to slip as well.  I still have my ancestral shrine area and still think of varying ancestors at different times but the more ritualised devotions have fallen away.  I’m still not sure if I need to start on a weekly basis for honouring my ancestors or try and restore the dark moon practice.  I think maybe moving to a weekly based practice would work out best, if so I have my choice of Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday currently free of other devotions. Maybe Wednesday as that day has links to deities of communication.

My journey with devotional practices has not been a swift one but one that has gradually altered to a more frequent family of devotional practices.  And I know that I am still changing and that my practices will also continue to change.

An offering made Kemetic style

Well sort of Kemetic style anyway 🙂

A week and half ago I pledged an offering to the Egyptian Goddess known as Isis.  The details of why I did this are not important to this blog post. I had a slight problem though in that I had never made any offerings to any of the Egyptian deities and as a polytheist I wanted to do this in a manner fitting to what is known of the reconstructed Egyptian path referred to more properly as Kemetic.

First stage of preparation to fulfill my pledge was to do a bit of internet searching and reading.  I also asked for advice in the Glasgow Pagans facebook group and from a couple of individuals I know that are interested in or practicing a Kemetic path.

Key things I found out were that the ancient Kemetic name of the Goddess I had made this pledge to is Aset and that in the Kemetic path it is normal, and considered more polite, to consume any food or drink offerings you make.  That’s not something I am used to doing.  I’m more familiar with offerings being discarded after a suitable period of time once they have been dedicated.

From my limited general knowledge in Egyptian mythology I believe that the written word, especially when then spoken aloud, has a great deal of power.

Gradually I began to build up an idea of what I would do to fulfill the pledge I had made.  I decided to offer food and drink in the form of a meal using foods known to be important in ancient Egyptian times as well as things I felt would fit a special meal.  I also felt that while it would be fine to use the area I use for other devotions I should use a separate small table.

Today I fulfilled my pledge.  I purchased a couple of particularly nice seeded whole grain rolls and some maple and thyme hot smoked salmon.  I cleared and cleaned a small table to use and moved it to my shrine area and placed a flat pillow I use as a kneeling or meditation pad on the floor in front of it.  I went upstairs and changed into a lovely silk skirt I have and chose a jumper of a similar shade of blue to go with it.  Both items remind me of Lapis Lazuli and again I believe that colour and the gem stone had importance in ancient Egypt.

Before I began my meal preparations I lit a stick on Myrrh incense.  I then sat down and decided on the words I would use and wrote them down.  I placed the page on the small table and got the meal ready.  The meal consisted of the rolls I had purchased with the smoked salmon and five Medjool dates. I also made some peppermint tea in one of those  teapots with a single cup that I have.  I placed the plate, teapot and cup on the small table and knelt down before it.

After a short time in silent contemplation I spoke aloud the words I had chosen.  I then sat in silence for a little while and poured out a cup of the tea.

Mindfully I then began to eat and drink.

This experience of sharing a meal I had offered to a Goddess was something new and special to me.  I found it strangely relaxing.  I got the impression that those beings I usually hold devotions for were also interested in this process, in this different style of doing things and that they might wish to engage with me in this way themselves from time to time.

When I’d finished the meal I thanks Aset for this experience and then cleared everything away and changed back into the clothes I had been wearing before I started preparing.

 

These are the words I used to make the offering with names of those I was doing this for removed for privacy:

Hail Aset, Great of Heka, You who are known in the Redlands as Isis, Queen of Heaven!

I ask that you accept this bread, this fish, these dates and this mint tea as fulfillment of the pledge I made to you.

I offer this food and drink in thanksgiving for your protection over one who I believe holds you close to her heart. I know her as xxxxx,  Priestess, wife, mother, and friend of many.

I pledged an offering to you Mighty Aset and I ask that you accept this meal as fulfillment of that pledge.