Rising from the ashes

In December I had a bit of a breakdown at work.  I’ve been suffering from stress and anxiety for a while but kept pushing myself on trying to make it to the winter holidays when I thought I’d get a bit of a break.  I pushed myself too far and ended up swearing at my line manager and then collapsing into tears.  The incident has led to the disciplinary procedure being set in process and I’ve been off work ever since.

I am gradually recovering.  I’m now on mediation and seeing a counsellor.  I’ve also been seen by the occupational service at work.  Earlier this week I felt able to contact our human resources department and advise them that I thought I could now cope with the disciplinary process.  I had previously postponed it twice as I simply couldn’t cope with it.  They’ve moved fast and next week on 2nd Feb the meeting will take place.  I will be supported at it by a local union representative.  I am still very anxious about it but I have support and I think I can cope now.

I’m still not feeling ready to return to work but I am gradually rising from the state I was in.  I am hoping that will mean I will also be feeling more like blogging again.

As part of the more spiritual aspect of my recovery I have been “invited” by a series of three coincidences concerning Brighid that all took place on the same day to deepen my devotional practice.  Tomorrow evening at sundown local time I will be joining with members of Clann Bhride in the practice of flame keeping with the start of a new flamekeeping cill.  In the past few days I have been gently preparing for this new phase of my devotions.

My first love though has always been Epona and I have begun to take steps to deepen my devotional practice to Her as well.  After some thought I have chosen to offer roses to Epona Rigantona as this is in keeping with some of what is known from Roman times.  I’m doing this a bit differently though as I’m not offering cut roses.  I’ve begun knitting roses and offering them to Her, not at set times but as I feel it is time to do so.  My first sits on my shrine to Her.  Subsequent roses may join it there or get sent to friends who also honour Epona.

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